


Hush Little Baby

by yeska_noka



Category: Kis-My-Ft2 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-31
Updated: 2011-05-31
Packaged: 2019-03-29 23:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13937757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeska_noka/pseuds/yeska_noka
Summary: The world in Senga's head mostly matches reality. Except for one important detail.





	Hush Little Baby

The sixth morning he wakes up sick, Senga asks Nikaido to take him to the infirmary. He’s waited this long because he usually gets better throughout the day and goes to bed feeling fine, but six days of nausea and even he can’t ignore that he’s ill. Plus he’s missing way too many classes.

The campus infirmary isn’t too far from their dormitory. Senga doesn’t really need help getting there, he feels fine at the moment, but he asks Nikaido anyway.

“It’s about time,” Nikaido agrees as they walk. “It can’t be the flu or anything. Otherwise I’d be sick, too.”

Which is true, considering they live together. Nikaido waits in the lounge when the nurse finally calls him in. She gets him settled and then it’s only another minute before the doctor arrives.

“Senga Kento,” she reads off the chart she’s holding. She looks up and smiles. “So, what can I do for you?”

He tells her whatever he can remember about his symptoms and answers the various questions she asks, until one leaves him floundering.

“Pregnant?” He repeats. “I... um.” He can feel himself flushing red. “It’s... possible, I guess.”

“Certainly sounds like that might be the cause.” The doctor looks at him sympathetically, getting up to pull something from an overhead cabinet. “It would fit your description of your current condition. Here.” She hands him a plastic-capped tube. “We’ll need a urine sample. The bathroom’s down the hall to the left.”

 

 

“Couldn’t I have just done it myself?” Senga asks after he hands the tube back to the doctor.

“You could,” she says. “But accuracy tends to drop when patients do it themselves. The results are more trustworthy this way.”

He watches as she goes about setting the test.

“Well?” he asks when she turns to face him.

She points to the clock. “Now we wait.”

 

Senga just stares at the small plastic contraption when the doctor hands it to him.

 _Positive_.

The doctor seems unsure whether to congratulate or console him, but he ignores her.

 _Positive_.

Thoughts go racing through his head so quickly that he can’t comprehend them, and he grasps onto the one idea that keeps going round and around. _I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby._ We’re _going to have a baby_.

“I... h-have to tell Nika,” he manages, and the doctor must see something in his face, because she finally smiles.

“Congratulations, Senga-kun.”

 

Nikaido is on his feet the moment Senga is within sight. He must see something, as well, and he latches on to Senga’s wrists when Senga gets close enough.

“What? What is it?”

“Nika.” Senga feels so full of happiness that it swells up inside of him, making it hard to speak. He tries again. “Nika...

“I’m pregnant.”

Nikaido stares, confusion visible on his face for a moment before it clears away with dawning comprehension. “You’re...”

“We’re gonna have a baby,” Senga tells him, and can’t hold back anymore, smiling so hard it nearly hurts.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” Nikaido echoes, a disbelieving whisper, and the first tears well up in his eyes. They fall with a blink, trailing wet lines down his cheeks, and then Senga is left staring at the infirmary wall over Nikaido’s shoulder as Nikaido hugs him close, and Senga can feel the beat of his heart against his chest. “Kento...”

Senga strokes his hair as Nikaido shakes with both laughter and tears, smiling when he slides a hand from Senga’s back to rest against his abdomen. Senga tries to grab him when he suddenly sinks to his knees, thinking he’s fainting, but Nikaido just clings to him, pressing his face into Senga’s chest.

Senga smiles through his own tears of joy when Nikaido tilts his face up to look at him.

“Kento, _I love you_ ,” he breathes.

They’re going to have a baby.

 

 

 

 _Whore_ , they call him. _Do you spread it for everyone?_

Senga endures the taunts silently, holds his head high as Nikaido carefully pushes the wheelchair through the main doors to the hall. He isn’t, and he doesn’t, and it doesn’t matter what they think. Nikaido’s hand squeezes his shoulder briefly and Senga smiles.

He glances down to where the curve of his belly obstructs his view of his feet. He’s big enough now that walking for any significant distance is difficult. Their baby is asleep, Senga guesses, because it hasn’t kicked in a little while. Maybe it finds the motion of the wheelchair soothing, as he does.

“Here you go,” Nikaido says, holding out a hand to help Senga up once he’s locked the brakes on the chair. Senga lets himself be hauled to his feet. “You’ll be okay?”

Senga looks at his professor’s door. It’s a small office, and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need Nikaido to escort him to a chair. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Nikaido nods and moves over to take a seat on the bench across the hallway. “I’ll wait here.”

“Nika...” Senga says.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks.” Senga means it.

 

Yes, they’re young, and no, of course they’re not married, but it wasn’t an accident like everyone says. They didn’t try to get pregnant, but they knew that it was a distinct possibility and were ready for it.

Senga thinks back to how Nikaido had cried when he told him the news, how he’d cried and laughed and hugged Senga tight, reaching down to place his palm on Senga’s still-flat abdomen, eyes shining with happiness. A child. _Their_ child.

“ _Wow_ ,” Nikaido breathes, staring in amazement as the TV remote balanced on Senga’s belly jumps. He places a hand against Senga’s skin to feel for himself. “ _Wow_.”

“Easy for you to say,” Senga grumbles, wincing as their baby kicks him again. But he can’t be too upset about it; the kicks are getting stronger, but that just means their baby is getting stronger, too.

 

“I thought we were shopping for the baby?” Senga asks, but he lets Nikaido shove him into a dressing room anyway.

“Just try them,” he says, dumping an armful of maternity clothes into Senga’s arms. The store has stuff for mothers and babies, and Senga is technically neither, but Nikaido insists.

Nikaido reaches over and gently pats Senga’s belly before giving him a cheeky grin, and then he yanks the curtains shut, calling through them. “And hurry up!”

He’s impatient, asking whether Senga is done yet every time he goes to try on something new.

“ _No_ ,” Senga says for the third time in about twice as many seconds, gritting his teeth as he struggles to pull the tunic back over his head. “I’ve barely got the last one off, geez. Just hold on a minute.”

“I wanna see,” Nikaido says, and the curtains sway as he does something with them, startling Senga for a moment before he realizes that he’s not trying to open them.

“Okay, okay,” he grumbles, reaching for a hanger. “No need to show me off to the world.”

“Never,” Nikaido answers, sticking his head in and using his hands to keep the curtains from gaping anywhere around him. “That’s just for me.” He eyes Senga up and down until Senga puts a hand on his face and shoves him back out. Nikaido just laughs.

Senga reaches a hand through to flick him off, but he’s smiling. “Idiot.”

 

Nikaido crouches down and pushes up Senga’s shirt, and the adoring look on his face makes Senga’s heart tighten even before he speaks.

“Hey,” Nikaido says, smoothing his hand across Senga’s stomach. “Can you hear me? Can you hear your daddy?”

Senga’s chest feels almost painful with how much he loves him, with how much he loves _them_.

Nikaido presses a kiss to his belly.

“I can’t wait to meet you.”

 

*****

 

When Senga wakes up, he knows immediately that something is wrong. He’s lying on his side, Nikaido’s arm curled around his waist and his breath making warm puffs on Senga’s shoulder blade. For a moment, Senga starts to panic, heart racing faster when he realizes that his stomach is firm and flat. He’s distinctly male and with all the limitations that implies. But then it sinks in, the truth of it, the dream fading even as the seconds pass.

It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t real; the sense of loss is the same. Their baby... The panic shifts into a sharp, empty ache, and Senga feels hollow inside, all that emptiness welling up within him until his eyes and throat burn with it.

Senga cries for the child he and Nikaido will never have.

He stays as silent as he can, but he can’t keep himself from trembling, shaking with the force of held-back sobs. He bites his lip as Nikaido shifts behind him.

“Hey.” Nikaido’s voice is rough with sleep and maybe confusion, but he tightens his arm around Senga. “You okay?”

It’s stupid, Senga knows. It was just a dream. He rolls over and buries his face into Nikaido’s neck, and when Nikaido wraps both arms around him, Senga can’t hold back anymore.

“Shh,” Nikaido says, rubbing his hands across Senga’s skin in soothing circles. “I’m right here.” He strokes his hair gently. “Bad dream?”

Senga shakes his head, but his voice only comes out with another low sob. Not a bad dream, no. Not really.

Nikaido doesn’t push, just holds him until he’s cried himself out. Senga feels empty of tears and just about everything else. Nikaido kisses his forehead and pushes his hair from his face, leaning back just enough that he can look at him.

“Want to talk about it?” he asks, and Senga wants to, but he’s not sure if he can.

He takes a deep breath. “I was pregnant,” he mutters.

Nikaido’s eyes widen slightly, but he keeps petting Senga’s hair. “Yeah?” he says, encouraging Senga to continue.

“With our child.” Senga whispers, and closes his eyes against the sudden threat of more tears.

Nikaido’s hand stills against his cheek.

They never talk about it, but Senga knows how close Nikaido is with his family, how badly he wants to have a family of his own someday. He says it sometimes, in interviews, that he’d like to get married and have kids. Senga knows how true it is, and it breaks his heart that it will never happen. Not like this.

“I’m sorry,” Senga says, and only just manages to keep his voice from cracking.

After a moment, Nikaido starts stroking his hair again, soothing. “Don’t be silly,” he says, but there’s a wistful look on his face when Senga opens his eyes.

“You’d be a good father,” Senga tells him, and Nikaido gives him a small smile.

“Maybe. Maybe someday,” he amends. Senga closes his eyes when Nikaido leans in to kiss his forehead again. “I would definitely have a baby with you.”

“We can’t, though,” Senga says, feeling sad even as he starts to slip back into sleep.

“Even if we could, we can’t,” Nikaido points out. “We’re debuting. What would we do with a baby? And...”

Senga can hear his smile.

“Shachou would kill us.”

Senga looks at him when Nikaido’s laughter shakes him more fully awake.

“You’d let that stop you from having a family?”

Nikaido settles against him and shrugs. “Everyone needs permission first. But anyway, it’s not like we have to worry about that now. Maybe in fifteen years or something.”

“And hey,” Nikaido adds. “Maybe in fifteen years they’ll let us get married. Who knows?”

“Or we could just sneak out of the country,” Senga agrees.

“We could.” Nikaido leans in to brush his lips against Senga’s. “I love you. Now go back to sleep, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Senga doesn’t think it’s quite that easy. “We’ll have to talk about it someday, you know,” he says, although he wishes they wouldn’t have to. “For real, I mean.”

Nikaido just smiles again. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Nika,” Senga starts, and takes a steadying breath before continuing. “I can’t give you a family. Not now, and not ever. That’s going to matter someday.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Nikaido repeats. “I’d like a family, yes. But it doesn’t matter. I want you more.”

The look in Nikaido’s eyes says its a promise, and Senga understands. Together. Forever. Senga’s breath catches in his throat and speaking is difficult. “Nika...”

He doesn’t know if it’s a promise that Nikaido can keep, but Senga can only trust him. It’s good enough that he says it.

Nikaido pushes at him until he rolls over, curling up against his back, his arm once again around his waist. “Seriously, you’ll feel awful tomorrow if you keep this up. _Sleep_.”

There’s so much left unsaid, so much that Senga wants to tell him, but he’ll leave it for some other time, some other day. For now, Senga lets Nikaido hold him tight and his dream fades into memory.


End file.
